Last night I dreamt that I was drowned by Vita Sackville-West.

Last night I dreamt that I was drowned by Vita Sackville-West.
I found myself sitting on a park bench, half submerged in the middle of a pond and surrounded by waterlilies.  It was pretty and I was relaxed. In the way of dreams, I was unconcerned by the strangeness of my circumstance and rather than being troubled by the water lapping around me, I was comforted by the thought that a frog might just leap up, bounding from lily pad to lily pad, to sit on my shoulder for a chat.
Instead, Vita appeared.
“You mustn’t be here,” she hissed at me, at first somewhat conspiratorially, and then louder, “You are not meant to be here!”
“Where am I?” I answered, and, as I watched, her clothing turned from a simple brown dress to the robes of the Queen of Hearts.
“Leave!” she shouted. But I was unable to move, held to the park bench by the water, my legs restrained beneath by stems of lily pads.
Sighing, Vita strolled effortlessly towards me, unperturbedby the restraints of the water. Rather than appearing angry, she mostly looked bored, but, all the same, she grasped me by the neck, pulled me off the bench and thrust me, now kicking and screaming, under the water.
I don’t think this was particularly kind and I don’t know what I could have possibly done to cross Vita. I’m extremely displeased with her behaviour, and, were she still around today, I would ring her up and let her know just what I thought: Simply unacceptable behaviour, Vita!
(It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.)

Author: Stuffed Olive

My awesomeness intimidates some people, others just point and laugh.

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