Melbourne is icky. My sister is the best.

At the moment, I’m in Melbourne. It’s gross.

Yep, I’m not a particular fan of Melbourne. Everything is covered in at least one more layer of grime than seems perfectly necessary or in any way hygienic, and the water tastes funny. 

Unfortunately, life requires that I visit this particular den of filth and distasteful liquids fairly regularly. Fortunately, I have a number of good friends who make my Melbourne trips worthwhile.

Tomorrow, for example, I’m having lunch with the beautiful Stevie. She’s a vegan superhero, saving the world, and the moo cows, one cup of milk at a time.  I’ve also caught up with my gorgeous friend Elizabeth. She’s a super teacher, saving the world, and the national literacy rate, one deviant student at a time.

Best of all, though, is Hannah. She’s my loveliest and most wonderful sister, and I’m sure she’d try to save the world, but she’s usually too busy looking after me.

 She makes me dinner,

…stops me from walking out in front of traffic,

…and even takes me to play on the swings.

She makes Melbourne much more fun, but I still think it’s rude that she moved away in the first place. (Yes, Hannah, if you’re reading this, living in Melbourne is rude and you should come home now.)

Author: Stuffed Olive

My awesomeness intimidates some people, others just point and laugh.

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