Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed by social media.
I’m relatively new to the whole affair. Although, I became addicted to Facebook some time ago, I only joined Twitter and began blogging about five months ago.
As is the case for many of the worst Facebook addicts, I joined Facebook against my will. Fighting and clawing, I fought against the inevitability of Social Media addiction, but, as it always does, Facebook prevailed. Within a few weeks, I could no longer remember how people functioned “pre-Facebook”. I forgot my email password, not to mention others’ email addresses, and, until the advent of Facebook phone apps, I was unconcerned that my phone had ceased to hold charge and had vanished into the dark depths under my bed. Who emails, texts or calls, when they could Facebook? That’s just CRAZY!
Like many at the time, I also began referring to myself in the third person.
“Stuffed Olive is confused about why she is referring to herself in the third person.”
Equally, I began to believe that my every thought and action was of interest to everyone else.
“Stuffed Olive drank some water”
“Stuffed Olive went to the bathroom”
“Stuffed Olive wonders whether she should stop Facebooking and go to bed”
“Stuffed Olive thinks sleep is overrated”
The addition of social games on Facebook didn’t help. To this day, I’m an avid player of “Tetris Battle”, in which, unsurprisingly, one is able to ‘battle’ one’s friends and other Facebook users to a game of Tetris. I pretty much think it’s the best game in the world.
When I decided to ‘become a writer’ (yes, we’ll worry about what precisely THIS means later), I was informed by many that I should both join Twitter and start a Blog. So, being the good little taker-of-advice that I am, I did.
I had some serious doubts about Twitter, primarily stemming from the 140 character limitation on Tweets. I’ve never been the most concise of writers and the idea of limiting any point, thought or statement to 140 characters filled me with dread.
Let’s be honest, I could reasonably sum this all up in a Facebook Status Update or Twitter Tweet with “Stuffed Olive finds Social Media overwhelming”, but I’d rather write an entire blog post about it.
Of course Ive learn tht the key to #Twitter is 2 throw all rules of Eng lang out the window n stop wrrying. then u can fit nything in 140chs
(Case in point)
By the same token, while I couldn’t imagine what I could possibly have to blog about, I now find myself blogging about wondering whether I could have anything to blog about. (You know what I mean)
The only problem is that now it’s impossible to escape. I have started including hashtags in texts, and, to be honest, they also appear in my mind mid conversation. Worse than that, I’ve started to picture myself, in my mind’s eye, as a stuffed olive and get a shock every time I step in front of the mirror: OMG! I forgot I was ACTUALLY human! o_o (I also wish I could express emoticons in speech, because using actual facial expressions is so last year).
To sum up, I’d like to share a dream I had a few weeks ago:
I’m lying back to have a rest, enjoying the peace and quiet of an empty house, when my phone beeps, it’s a Twitter mention. No, wait. It’s a Facebook ‘like’. No, wait. It’s both. And now someone’s commented on my blog. And look, someone else has sent me an email (how strange).
Oh no! Someone just opened a Facebook chat window, and… oh, I really should retweet that.
Then, all of a sudden, a giant Twitter bird appears in my living room. He’s not friendly. He doesn’t want a pat, nor is he offering to take me for a ride. No. He wants to eat me.
This has since become a recurring nightmare in which I am chased by giant, fanged Twitter birds, set on eating me alive. It’s terrifying.
Now look, I’m sorry. I’d love to tell you more, but I have to dash. My phone has been beeping incessantly now for about 15 minutes and my computer is about to have a Twitter/Facebook/Blog fit if I don’t check my updates. At some point, I suppose I should also eat.
[If you ‘like’ this post from Stuffed Olive, please remember to ‘share’ it with your friends! And, umm, are you ‘following’ me?]