Websites and Rage Times

Today I’ve had a fairly heavy day of internet exploration. This is often fun times, work times or learning times, all of which I approve. Often, however, internet exploration can rapidly become rage times.

I don’t know whether you’ve ever seen an olive fly into a fit of blind rage, but it’s not pretty.

Today my rage was due to the complete horrorcidity (yes, it’s a word, it means shitness) of some of the websites I stumbled upon. (Yes, if I can invent words – which I can – I can certainly end sentences with prepositions) So I decided I needed to create some guidelines for the little websitey-makers out there.

1. If your website opens to some revolting popup encouraging me to follow, subscribe, or purchase something, I will close it immediately.

2. (I know I’m possibly alone on this one, but I’m just pointing out the facts) If your website is filled with dozens of little jiggling gifs, EVEN if they contain cats, I will close it immediately.

3. If your website opens with music playing, I will close it immediately. I will also hunt you down and, as sweetly as possible, smash my laptop over your head. I have my own music playing and I don’t need it interrupted by your rubbish.

4. If your website is ugly, and I reserve the right to change my definition of ugly at any time, I will close it immediately.

End rant / Sincerely, Stuffed Olive.

(The list actually goes on, but I think I’ve expressed enough rage for one evening)

Are there any website characteristics that turn you into a homicidal ranting maniac? Please, feel free to add to my list.

Author: Stuffed Olive

My awesomeness intimidates some people, others just point and laugh.

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12 Comments

  1. Huge unskipable flash introductions. Grrrr. Anything that says “Click here to enter site” – I thought I already had. More grrrrrrr.

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  2. Web sites that auto play videos drive me nuts. I should get to choose if I want to play a video.

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    • YESSSS! That is as bad as music except WORSE because it slows down your internet too! Grrrrr.

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  3. Haha, classic. Think you have my pet hates covered nicely… sites that force you to login when trying to unsubscribe from their mailings is up there as well.

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    • Sites that force you to login when trying to do ANYTHING! (you know, apart from manage their site)

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  4. Pages that bombard you with a vast number of tracking and advertising cookies—especially if they won’t let you proceed until you’ve accepted them. I will not save the cookies and I will not read the page, so the marketing fails.

    In fact, as a good Australian, I don’t want ANY cookies on my computer. Australians should only accept biscuits.

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  5. I hate Mystery Meat Navigation!
    Don’t know what that super-dooper technical term means?
    /* Rant Begin
    Well then children, huddle close while I whisper curses in your ear!
    It’s when the menus are pictures instead of words – so you have to roll over every gosh darnit picture till you find the one that says “Complaints!”

    I don’t want to have to guess what the pictures mean just to find my way around.
    */ Rant End

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    • I KNOW! Just let me decide where I want to go on your site, based on the title of the page. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!

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  6. Websites where photos are so large they take forever to load, particularly irritating when you actually just want to read the text.

    Your list of hates is excellent. I agree with them all.

    Cheers,
    David

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  7. Or when you’re watching videos on a website, and music comes from no where and you can NEVER find where it comes from >:O or when you’re watching a video, and google kindly blocks all pop-ups and forgets to MUTE the pop-ups. I hate that.

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